Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Hello Insomnia

Hello insomnia,
It's good to see you again. I had thought you were gone for a while, but it turns out you were just taking a vacation for the weekend. And thus, I return to my blog for it's original purpose. To clear my head of all thoughts in the hopes that it will help me sleep. So let's see... what am I thinking about tonight?

A deal. I made a deal with a friend of mine. Which I'm actually considering. Who would have thought? Not me.

A boy. A boy that makes me laugh. A boy I love talking to. A boy who's sweet, but who needs to grow up a little bit. But I like him nonetheless. All boys grow up. I don't need him to be grown up now. I'm only 20, and I have time. I'm cautious though. I tend to have poor luck with boys and I don't really want to put myself out there again. I promised myself I was done pursuing after the last heartbreak. Maybe this will be different? I don't want to get my hopes up.

Physical Therapy. I want to be a physical therapist so bad. I want to go to PT school. I want to get great grades. I want to work for the Mariners. But sometimes, I'm scared that I'm not smart enough. Meagan was talking about how when you graduate from college sometimes you get an "imposter" syndrome. Where you feel like you don't know as much as you should, having graduated from college. That's how I feel. I'm almost a senior in college! But I still feel like there is so much that I don't understand. And I'm struggling through chemistry right now, which might ruin my chances of getting in to PT school. What if I'm not smart enough? What will I do? It's my biggest fear.

Friday. Riley, Brigitte and Cory are having a birthday Fiesta. I've partied 3 weekends in a row, and I really can't handle another one. However, I feel like I should make an appearance. They are my friends and I want to wish them a happy birthday. Meagan is teaching people salsa, so I'll come with her while she does that and I think we'll invite Michail and Chris and teach them to salsa as well. Not that I remember much of anything. I haven't salsa'd since, well, since winter break with Ian. And I don't really see Ian that much anymore, and he was the one who was teaching me to salsa. But I still think it would be fun to teach them.

Saturday. Saturday I'm teaching a lifeguarding class with Michail from 8-5. It's a long day, but I kind of like teaching the lifeguarding class. It helps me brush up on my skills and Michail's fun to teach with. Oh Michail, he's so funny (inside joke, don't ask)! Then afterwards we might go see Nightmare before Elmstreet. All in all, I'm looking forward to this weekend. I just have to get through the week. Hell I just need to get through this quarter. I'm losing steam quickly, which is bad because things are just starting to pick up. Can't I just drop out of college?

I think those are the only things on my mind tonight. Which is relatively good, compared to some nights. So I'm not quite sure why I'm having such a hard time sleeping. I just took 2 benadryl so please, insomnia just let me sleep. I need to be awake tomorrow, I have lots of work to do.

Lots of love,
Andie

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