Sunlakes

Was awesome! This picture might be my favorite one of Hillary and I. I love that girl, and I am so happy that she is dating my best friend :) Oh and if you were wondering about the fat, purple lip? It's from Kara. She threw a Jenga block at my face. My face isn't doing so well lately haha because last week I had a black eye because Meagan accidentally punched me in the face while playing animal ball haha.

But anyways, Sunlakes. We had a lot of fun! I drove over on Thursday night with Grace and Brian and that was lots of fun. The weather held up and allowed us some beach time, and I got to see good friends. There was some drama. Drama that is not for the whole internet world to know. I'll just say that, a person (whom I have high expectations of) made some bad decisions. These bad decisions affected everyone, even those who didn't deserve to be affected. It made me very angry. Hopefully they learn their lesson, but we'll see. The weekend was still fun, despite bad decisions being made. I decided that a friend of my sister's is SUPER cute. But he's 17. Awwwwwkward. I swear I'm not a cradle robber. I'll just wait for, like, 3 years. He'll be 20 and in college and a bit more mature (not to mention legal) and I'll be 23 and in PT school. Perfect haha. What else happened this weekend... we went to a rodeo! There was a huge cheese factor, but I still had fun. It was an adventure and I liked watching the actual events. We went cliff jumping. Well, I didn't but the boys did and we watched. When the time came to leave today I was super sad.

On my way home I got called in to work, which sucked ass. So I had to go work, which just added a bunch of unneeded stress. I started feeling it about a half an hour out of Bellingham and it hasn't gone away. I hate that being in Bellingham stresses me out now. I love Bellingham, and I love the people in it, but this year has been so stressful that now I just associate it with stress. Which sucks. Also, Kelsey dyed and cut my hair tonight. It's SUPER different. I've decided that I like it. I was a little undecided at first, because it was so different. But I like it. But I think one huge thing that is adding to my stress is my self-consciousness. I've been having such bad luck with boys and the ones here are so dumb that my self-confidence has literally dropped to zero. So I worry about how I appear to others a LOT. A lot more than I used to. I don't like it. And I don't like having so much of my happiness depend on other people. Because it's draining, and I find myself being sad more of the time. I just... I need a change. I need a break. I need a boy. I need my self-confidence back and I need to stop caring what other people think.

This is a super long post, but this stress that I was just talking about keeps me up at night. I seriously need to get sleeping pills. I was able to fall asleep in a heartbeat at Sunlakes. Even on the hard ground, in a sleeping bag, in a tent, outside in the cold. I'm in my nice warm apartment on my amazingly comfortable bed, and I can't fall asleep. How dumb is that? I just have to make it through these 2 weeks. Then I have my birthday party, the summer, hopefully an internship, then Hawaii, then my actual birthday and all sorts of other great things :) I just need to make it through.